The reason I am keeping that post, and the one after it, is to show how hard this all is, but also that it can be done. It is so hard to kick the addictions and habits that brought me here, but it is so worth it! I will maybe always have thoughts like "Oh those potato chips look fun" or "I really want a great burger, fries, and soda" or even thinking "I really want a candy bar", but these past 6 weeks those thoughts are not as important to me as the real food I am eating and the progress I see in my health and my weight and especially my mood.
What changed? Why am I posting after almost 3 years? I have two very big reasons that came up in December of last year. The biggest one is a decision someone very close to me is making that I cannot mention without permission of the other person, but one is my own. My blood sugar fasting level was 135 on December 1st, and that's into the diabetes range. My doctor said she wanted another test in 8 weeks, and I would have to start medications if I did not lower it. My dad has diabetes, and although he is super careful and managing it, I never ever want to have the health problems related to that. Plus my weight is still a very huge real problem. I'm at risk for strokes, heart problems, fighting high blood pressure, can't hardly reach to tie my shoes, can't go on rides at parks, and all that missing out on so many things in my life because I was too tired, slow, fat, moody, even depressed sometimes. So after being over 200, 300, 350, and finally 374 pounds, after having cancer surgery, after broken ankle surgery, and all the other really good reasons to change my way of looking at food, I have to say that I have wasted 15 years waiting for my reason to change. Anything that inspires you to try one experiment to change your life, just do it today, don't wait. Maybe the threat of diabetes plus the other really scary thing I can't mention because it's not happening to me, maybe those are valid reasons to change, but fear will only get me so far. In the long run I have to make it about feeling better for myself.
So here is the update. Since December 5 of last year (2011) I have been on my own experiment. I have a few foods that are problems for me. They are really easy for me to over eat. It's like they have no "off switch" and I will eat them till they are gone. I will eat them even when I am not hungry, and I won't stop when I am full. They are foods I had good memories of, feasts, fun with family, vacations, the "high" they bring, the comfort of old habits. But they also are why I am so fat, and they make it hard for me to think clearly. It's like being drunk I imagine. Slightly drunk most of the time.
On December 5, 2011 I decided to commit to stop all these problem foods for just 8 weeks. I felt like I could stand going 8 weeks without them, as long as I saw a possibility of eating them again when it was over. Somehow it reduces the panic, or loss, if I tell myself "It's only for 8 weeks". (Don't tell my brain, but I plan to start another 8 weeks as soon as the first one is over, and another and another.) I just can't say "for the rest of my life" or "I will never eat xyz again" because it's too scary for me. I figure 8 weeks will give me time to really test this real foods plan. To see real results in my weight, health, and mood. It is longer than I have ever done this before. It should be enough time to form new habits.
So here are my problem foods I stopped for my 8 week experiment. All junk food, fast food, soda, fried things, dairy (all milk products), soda pop, wheat, and meat. That was my own decision based on years of experience of how they make me feel in the long run. No wheat because it makes me feel sleepy after I eat it, ready for a nap, or at least hard to concentrate, bleh. No dairy because it gives me asthma trouble and congestion. No fried foods, fast foods, or junk foods because they are way too high in fat, too expensive, and I always enjoy the first few bites but feel like crap afterwards (physically and emotionally). No added fats or oils because I really wanted to lose the weight and fat calories add up really fast for no nutrient value or fullness. I wanted to cut out meat for basically the same reason because it is so heavy, and really hard for me to know when to stop.
So how is it going so far? For the past almost 6 weeks, I have been keeping this experiment going pretty well for all but 2 days. About 3 weeks in I really wanted to have a hot dog soda and popcorn at the movies, McDonald's for lunch, and In-N-Out for dinner. The McDonald's was not worth it but I ate it anyway, the hot dog was not as good as I hoped, and the In-N-Out was great (at first) but so heavy and way too much food for the day. Then a couple of days ago I had a special NomNom Truck grilled marinated pork sandwich on a baguette (that I had wanted to try for 3 months), half a soda, and a chicken soft taco, and later a half a Snicker's bar. When I eat too much meat like those two days, I just feel so tired, achy, and bleh. Not worth it for me. There have also been a few days where I had an ounce or two of potato chips (too hard to stop), or a chicken lunchmeat sandwich with light mayo (nasty) but mostly I've been on track. There was another day when I had just had a healthy lunch, and felt satisfied, but minutes later I craved junk food/fast food because I was upset about a frustrating conversation I got into. I did not eat the junk, but it was interesting to see how my mood shifted and wanted the junk so quickly. I got over it by seeing that it was from the bad mood, and turning my attention to other ways to handle it. Talking with a different friend about the frustration and the sudden food cravings helped get rid of the feelings.
I can eat any food I ever want to eat, I am just trying to stop the problem ones for 8 weeks, and maybe forever, but I will never quit just because I had something stupid now and then. The main thing for me is that certain things are not food anymore, and will possibly never be food, but I can still have a little once in a great while for a special occasion if I choose to. I just never want to get used to them again.
So besides two off days, how is the rest of it? I am so happy. I feel clearer, better, happier, and less moody. I have lost about 21 pounds in the 6 weeks so far, and it's been pretty steady. My blood sugar in the mornings has dropped from 135 to 105, and I feel less drawn to junk even though it is on my mind plenty. I am cooking a few new things, and having the best luck when I cook a big pot of soup, or rice pasta that I like and put it into single serving containers in the fridge to grab one when ever I get hungry, or pack for lunches. I pack some of my own food into coolers, or hot thermos containers for lunches or snacks while I am out. Wendy's has plain baked potatoes that are good with ketchup or their chili. Packing my own food just makes me feel so much safer and gives me options that make me feel much better than being desperate and hungry.
I have invented a couple of simple rice pasta/soup recipes that I really enjoy so far, and make a few other basic fast things for meals. I am sure that I will expand my menus as I get better at this, but for now for me simple is much easier. I might post the simple recipes later.
Bottom line is I have made it happily through the first 6 weeks and feel pretty good about the next few weeks. It has not always been easy, but it is so worth it. I am losing the taste for fried stuff, even baked potato chips are too greasy for me now. Losing the taste for chocolate, it's too sweet and milky to eat very much. Not as tempted by fast food, the McDonald's experience was not worth it. I am really enjoying the real foods I am eating. It's so great to feel hungry for a meal, eat something tasty and healthy, and stop when I'm full. I don't feel like overeating the good stuff. Somehow real food has an off-switch, it's actually satisfying in that way.
I still want to be careful to think before I buy anything stupid, and to try to keep junk out of my house. I want to develop more friends and hobbies I can turn to when I feel the need for junk. I think I am pretty happy with this experiment, and will keep at it for the remaining 2 weeks. Hopefully I will start a new one for another time period as soon as this one is "over". How does 12 weeks sound?
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